KiSs Me OnCe, StEaL mY hEaRt [entries|friends|calendar] BABY DRO [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Wednesday October 31st, 2007 1:52am] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | tv ] colin, justin,crystal,eli, and his sister lexie just came over and had a beer with me how nice of them, thats what good friends are for coming over at random hours of the night and bringing beer. he wants me to call him... uhh fuck you

[Tuesday October 30th, 2007 10:51pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | tv ] IM HOME! CALL ME 948-2486 uhh fuck you

INK NESS [Saturday October 27th, 2007 3:17pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | death rattle =pantera ] i have to take a picks of my mom's this was at a friends house getting trashed COMING HOME IN 3 DAYS KIDS uhh fuck you

[Wednesday October 24th, 2007 8:36pm] [ mood | chipper ] [ music | popcorn=dame mi bicicleta ] tommrow, i'm getting tattoed at 4 pm with my mommy! suhweeeeet and I come home on monday!! woo hoo bought presents today nothing interesting just braclets. yeah. uhh fuck you

[Sunday October 21st, 2007 8:55am] [ mood | a little on the drunk side. ] [ music | carlos vives=pitan pitan ] I'm afraid of beeing alone. in every aspect. my friends. my family. my realationships. just every ware. uhh fuck you

Guilty. [Wednesday October 17th, 2007 6:45am] [ mood | guilty ] [ music | never is a promise; fiona apple ] I 'm here to pleed guilty. I damage everything I seem to touch. I back down when I should be up. I belive in dreams and the fairy tale endings. Even when life seems to give up . I wanted to be them, her. My mistakes. My dreams. My future. My fault. I'm fine i'm standing I'm floating. I'm unstable. I'm crying. I'm tierd of trying. I will never be enough. Yet I am " Bright writer" Whatever that means. I want to expand. I wantt o breath. I want to be genuine. I want to be true. I want to be real. I know who I am. She is really me. She is really shy. She is really loud. She stives for her belifes. She lives with too many douts. I feel. I exsit. I am thinking there for I exsist. I question. I need a new begining. A new vision. I'm pleeding guilty. I have no clue. I'm scared. I'm lieing. uhh fuck you

[Saturday October 13th, 2007 11:56pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | glam balads cd lol amazing ] I'm coming home on the 30th. I get home at 8am :) I'm going to buy my fucking fairy wings when I get home , that's right bitches i am going to be a fairy for halloween. hahahaha, i'm so excited i'm also planing on getting a new cell so drop a line with you're digits so i'll call you. That goes for everyone I don't have anyone's number :) <3 uhh fuck you

DON'T MIND ME [Thursday October 11th, 2007 12:52am] [ mood | mhm ] [ music | jamiroqui= cosmic girl ] I feel so ashamed of myself come to think of it right now, i just got kicked out of school. The one school that promesed me a bright amazing future but I just sort of through it away I have no idea what my problem is. i'm sick and tierd of fucking up inlife , i'm sick and tierd of woundering how I can possibly do things right and end up fucking them up so much. My life seems to go from shity thing to another and it tears me apart. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I come home which I guess is probley fuck up more. I'm tierd of relying on love and hoping that if I'm inlove that everything will just be alright ..yea right fuck hollywood cheezy love movies. I'm sick and tierd of myself , i feel like i have gotten anything acomplished WHAT HAVE I DONE, i have travled , I have learned amazing things but those things won't get me far, I want to do something. I have been writing allot lately and I have writers block right now god dammit. I want to be home and begin to straighten things out but i have another 2 weeks to go, I'm driving myself crazy with myspace and aol ..I don't know what to do anymore . I feel stupied for expecting to get back together with justin. I feel more stupied in beliving in dreams that I have no idea if they will ever happen i just feel....I don't know sick,alone,frustrated. I'm coming home with an ilusion of how I want things but reality is that things are quit diffrenet now. I don't know..I just don't want to be lost i'm tierd of the whole " you're just going through a phase" well I want it to be over with.AH, I want my shit to be together I want my family to have a clue with what they want. I have to move out of my house and who knows were my mom want's to go (so0me were in lando i guess) hopefully closer to my friends i don't know.I'm sick and tierd of what if's and what not's.I want someone to hold me in there arms and tell me i'm beautiful for who I am. I just want to have some one there by my side. Then again I have no idea were i'm going to find this person.I'm tierd of beliving in "not looking it will come to you" or in " luck" I don't think i belive in any of that. FUCK GOD and all of his shit..i'm just tierd ..Life is so amazing to be feeling so god damn shity. ..shit.. genia bad ass tattoo ;) uhh fuck you

[Thursday October 4th, 2007 8:38pm] [ mood | hehe ] [ music | spanish stuff ] so i got kicked out of school!, and i will be home in a few weeks like in 2 RAWR, i'm some sort of animal uhh fuck you

[Tuesday October 2nd, 2007 10:41pm] [ mood | .... ] [ music | day tripper :the beatels ] Somtimes i just can't seem to get over him. Sometimes i just miss him and want him. Knowing that he might not even remember hurts. Wanting me to forget but it won't seem to happen. Trying to fall for new people but you're memory won't let me. What did you do so diffrent? What made you speacial? I still can't understand. 1 2 =3 I get pissed sometimes cause I can't forget , but sometimes it's like you didn't exsist. It crosses my mind every now and then and i still can't figure out why it should bother me if you don't want to talk to me. It just bothers me. That I still seem to want to love you. uhh fuck you

[Tuesday October 2nd, 2007 1:40pm] [ mood | uhuh ] [ music | ..lunch ] Today is my Sisters birthday she's 4 and i'm not going to be there for it. I called colin last night, from a place were I can make internatinal calls expensive as hell though but I got to talk to him..he seems so calm we talked for a few minutes about pat and just land o lakes in general.He laughed and it was cool to hear him laugh. I miss home allot... I'm trying to see what i want as a pat tatto it needs to be done. it be cool if we all got one like the sameone though. I'm ready for it to be december and for it to be new years and christmas and all that jazz.. I sorta want to know if i'm going to have to come back to this place. I feel my life is so shity plus a broken foot :) uhh fuck you

[Monday October 1st, 2007 1:45pm] [ mood | itchy the cast is itchy ] [ music | nothing, ed edd &eddy ] i broke my foot last night :) i'm getting a nice patt ass tattoo it's going to be sick :) uhh fuck you

[Tuesday September 25th, 2007 11:02pm] [ mood | ..come back please ] [ music | save ferris:eeilen ] 6:30 am first period, The radio is playin good bye cruel world by pink floyd , and I just burst into tears I hadn't had an emotinal out burst like that in along time I just keept hearing Pat's laugh and How we'd smoke Marlboro reds and drink steel reserve . everything all the memories came back but today it was like falling into reallity Pat is well physiclay dead but I don't belive he's really gone part of me won't accept it. The hardest part of this, is that i'm alone I have no friends to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok or anything I have a computer and not even the people on there sooth the hurting that I feel. I feel spaced out all the time when I remember he's not around anymore I get these chills, the hair on my kneck rises. Sometimes I find it impossible , and that this is just a really long bad dream. I wish I was home I wish I could see Timmy I wish i could see all of my friends. I wish I could say good bye too Pat.. I just want to go home. uhh fuck you

[Monday September 24th, 2007 3:15am] [ mood | my face stings ] [ music | pink floyd: good by cruel world ] PaTxBanDiT 8/19/2006 4:58 PM hurry back bitch! I (trembeling) love you and I wish i could of been around to at least give you one more hugg. talk to you, laugh with you..make me feel better, make sandwiches, I fucking feel terrible. I love you bro, I love you allot. I wish you could see how much you're friends miss you, how much we are all hurting inside it's 3 am and I foung out about an hour ago. I wish you could read this I wish you could send me a message on myspace and tell me that wasn't you in that car, I wish I had my friends around. I wish I was home now more then ever. I need my friends right now and there no were to be seen. i'll be brave for you patt. i miss you so much . tonight is going to be a long night. i'll pray for you son. just like the day we prayed for the ramones. just like the day you crashed colins moms car and I thought you had died I was so glad to see that you were ok and the way colin defended you. just like when you would sing to me and light my ciggerat and talk to me at 11 am on a monday when there was nothing to do just like throwing shit at the taco bell lady and hanging out none stop you went through to much shit to die like this. I love you and I won't ever forget you. uhh fuck you

no one ever reads this any ways. [Monday September 17th, 2007 11:53pm] [ mood | life is.... ] [ music | day tripper :the beatels ] I'm confused about were i belong. I don't even remember were it is i do belong. people say you are from were you feel best but I feel best in both places just diffrently. I don't know what I want anymore I keep day dreaming about my futures here and there. Yet I can't figure out which one I really want. Because there just so diffrent, For once I've been treated fairly by a boy. The kind who no matter what pushes me forward, I drive him inasane because were just two diffrent. I just can't imagine a day with out talking to him. It's almost been a year since we started "seeing each other". ..I'm inlove I cried over him because I fucked up Colin was the only one around to help and see me cry. I don't know ..I don't understand. I just need to go some ware so much diffrent from here or there I just feel so..out of place every ware that it hurts sometimes. I've been a mean person by....trying to act like I don't know what is in store for me when I return to Land o Lakes, but I could be so wrong. I just want to see my friends. My parents and smell ...that house like comforting smell that only you're house can give. I don't think anyone will read this because no one cares. This is were i start to think more throughly about were I belong because I'm ignored every ware. Well not by a few people but those few people make all the diffrence in the world. I swear I'm on air and no one in the world understands how horrible I feel when I talk to my friends and my parents and they tell me how much they miss me but I just don't belive it, I've lost self confidence . I just want to stay home and cry it feels as though I have no one to turn too. I don't even have someone to tell my secrets too. Someone I can be a girl with. I have someone speaciel but what is that of use if I can't do the things I did before, yet it's helping me but my past just dosen't go away it haunts me night and day. I don't remeber what it's like to wake up oblivouse and disorientated. sometimes i'd like to remember what it was like ... My grades are droping and so is my GPA. some how I think it is because I just no longer care ware life takes me. uhh fuck you

[Thursday September 13th, 2007 9:52pm] [ mood | freezing, heater broke awesome ] [ music | Maria Teresa; carlos vives ] i'm feel like i'm on air...that theres nothing worth anything anymore uhh fuck you

[Tuesday September 11th, 2007 11:47pm] [ mood | ... ] [ music | pink floyd: good by cruel world ] i just want to get the fuck out of here. uhh fuck you

[Friday September 7th, 2007 10:44pm] [ music | reggeaton "daddy yanke"bariio fino ] privite school: " Los Cedros is an extreamly orthodox academay you were explaind how the school functions blah blah it all ended in we do not allow the unorthodox" my response Andrea: " yea well fuck you" Like any good american. this led me to well nothing really i got yelled at today. BECAUSE, i did a project about a feminest .fucking crazy old basterd he's like 100 years old what the fuck does he know about women??well actually rethinking it maybe allot but still whats wrong with a feminest woman? I did the project on a woman who has influenced my life she juse happend to be a feminest fuck him,fuck school, fuck everything the history teacher is basicly history himself in person. there for i have an F with on a fucking project i spent a saterday afternoon on. but then again he said it was well elaborated with wounderful creativity so yea maybe i'll get like a b or a c whatever the class is won anyway. im feeling sort of lonely in the sense of I miss home, i actually miss land o lakes. blah... i have a phisics project due monday and a book analasis. awesome as if my weekend could be more awesome then sitting in the library. any way chem mid term tommrow grose. I just realized I'm going to be a SENIOR in january. haha .. ok.. uhh fuck you

[Monday September 3rd, 2007 1:20pm] [ mood | cool beans ] [ music | the gangs all here; dropkick murphy's ] So I got an e-mail today from Cristian dating. haha that was cool awesome PUCCA!(expensive fucking cake) Boy dorms are so much cooler hehehe spent the night there! and had chocholate pancakes :) uhh fuck you

[Saturday August 25th, 2007 3:45pm] [ mood | go to hell ] [ music | shy; sonata artica ] school fucking sucks, well just the whole math part. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :) uhh fuck you

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