KiSs Me OnCe, StEaL mY hEaRt

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 06:54:13 GMT

colin, justin,crystal,eli, and his sister lexie

just came over and had a beer with me how nice of them, thats what good friends are for coming over at random hours of the night and bringing beer.

he wants me to call him...

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 04:07:42 GMT

IM HOME! CALL ME 948-2486

INK NESS

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 20:17:55 GMT

i have to take a picks of my mom's this was at a friends house getting trashed

COMING HOME IN 3 DAYS KIDS

Tue, 24 Oct 2006 20:38:50 GMT

tommrow, i'm getting tattoed at 4 pm with my mommy!

suhweeeeet and I come home on monday!! woo hoo

bought presents today nothing interesting just braclets.

yeah.

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 08:57:21 GMT

I'm afraid of beeing alone.

in every aspect.
my friends.
my family.
my realationships.

just every ware.

Guilty.

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 07:07:58 GMT

I 'm here to pleed guilty.
I damage everything I seem to touch.
I back down when I should be up.
I belive in dreams and the fairy tale endings.
Even when life seems to give up .

I wanted to be them, her.
My mistakes.
My dreams.
My future.
My fault.

I'm fine i'm standing
I'm floating.
I'm unstable.
I'm crying.

I'm tierd of trying.
I will never be enough.
Yet I am " Bright writer"
Whatever that means.
I want to expand.
I wantt o breath.

I want to be genuine.
I want to be true.
I want to be real.

I know who I am.
She is really me.
She is really shy.
She is really loud.
She stives for her belifes.
She lives with too many douts.

I feel.
I exsit.
I am thinking there for I exsist.
I question.

I need a new begining.
A new vision.

I'm pleeding guilty.
I have no clue.
I'm scared.
I'm lieing.

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 23:56:58 GMT

I'm coming home on the 30th.
I get home at 8am :)
I'm going to buy my fucking fairy wings when I get home , that's right bitches i am going to be a fairy for halloween.
hahahaha, i'm so excited i'm also planing on getting a new cell so drop a line with you're digits so i'll call you.
That goes for everyone I don't have anyone's number :)

<3

DON'T MIND ME

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 05:52:31 GMT

I feel so ashamed of myself come to think of it right now, i just got kicked out of school. The one school that promesed me a bright amazing future but I just sort of through it away I have no idea what my problem is. i'm sick and tierd of fucking up inlife , i'm sick and tierd of woundering how I can possibly do things right and end up fucking them up so much. My life seems to go from shity thing to another and it tears me apart. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I come home which I guess is probley fuck up more. I'm tierd of relying on love and hoping that if I'm inlove that everything will just be alright ..yea right fuck hollywood cheezy love movies. I'm sick and tierd of myself , i feel like i have gotten anything acomplished WHAT HAVE I DONE, i have travled , I have learned amazing things but those things won't get me far, I want to do something. I have been writing allot lately and I have writers block right now god dammit. I want to be home and begin to straighten things out but i have another 2 weeks to go, I'm driving myself crazy with myspace and aol ..I don't know what to do anymore . I feel stupied for expecting to get back together with justin. I feel more stupied in beliving in dreams that I have no idea if they will ever happen i just feel....I don't know sick,alone,frustrated. I'm coming home with an ilusion of how I want things but reality is that things are quit diffrenet now. I don't know..I just don't want to be lost i'm tierd of the whole " you're just going through a phase" well I want it to be over with.AH, I want my shit to be together I want my family to have a clue with what they want. I have to move out of my house and who knows were my mom want's to go (so0me were in lando i guess) hopefully closer to my friends i don't know.I'm sick and tierd of what if's and what not's.I want someone to hold me in there arms and tell me i'm beautiful for who I am. I just want to have some one there by my side. Then again I have no idea were i'm going to find this person.I'm tierd of beliving in "not looking it will come to you" or in " luck" I don't think i belive in any of that. FUCK GOD and all of his shit..i'm just tierd ..Life is so amazing to be feeling so god damn shity.

..shit..

genia bad ass tattoo ;)

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 01:39:15 GMT

so i got kicked out of school!, and i will be home in a few weeks like in 2

RAWR, i'm some sort of animal

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 03:41:31 GMT

Somtimes i just can't seem to get over him.
Sometimes i just miss him and want him.
Knowing that he might not even remember hurts.
Wanting me to forget but it won't seem to happen.
Trying to fall for new people but you're memory won't let me.
What did you do so diffrent?
What made you speacial?
I still can't understand.
1

2

=3

I get pissed sometimes cause I can't forget , but sometimes it's like you didn't exsist.
It crosses my mind every now and then and i still can't figure out why it should bother me if you don't want to talk to me.
It just bothers me.
That I still seem to want to love you.

Mon, 02 Oct 2006 18:48:23 GMT

Today is my Sisters birthday she's 4 and i'm not going to be there for it.

I called colin last night, from a place were I can make internatinal calls expensive as hell though but I got to talk to him..he seems so calm we talked for a few minutes about pat and just land o lakes in general.He laughed and it was cool to hear him laugh.

I miss home allot...

I'm trying to see what i want as a pat tatto it needs to be done.
it be cool if we all got one like the sameone though.

I'm ready for it to be december and for it to be new years and christmas and all that jazz..
I sorta want to know if i'm going to have to come back to this place.

I feel my life is so shity plus a broken foot :)

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 18:46:06 GMT

i broke my foot last night :)
i'm getting a nice patt ass tattoo it's going to be sick :)

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 04:10:09 GMT

6:30 am first period, The radio is playin good bye cruel world by pink floyd , and I just burst into tears I hadn't had an emotinal out burst like that in along time I just keept hearing Pat's laugh and How we'd smoke Marlboro reds and drink steel reserve .

everything all the memories came back but today it was like falling into reallity Pat is well physiclay dead but I don't belive he's really gone part of me won't accept it.

The hardest part of this, is that i'm alone I have no friends to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok or anything I have a computer and not even the people on there sooth the hurting that I feel.

I feel spaced out all the time when I remember he's not around anymore I get these chills, the hair on my kneck rises.

Sometimes I find it impossible , and that this is just a really long bad dream.

I wish I was home I wish I could see Timmy I wish i could see all of my friends.

I wish I could say good bye too Pat..

I just want to go home.

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 08:15:10 GMT

PaTxBanDiT
8/19/2006 4:58 PM

hurry back bitch!

I (trembeling) love you and I wish i could of been around to at least give you one more hugg. talk to you, laugh with you..make me feel better, make sandwiches, I fucking feel terrible.

I love you bro, I love you allot.

I wish you could see how much you're friends miss you, how much we are all hurting inside it's 3 am and I foung out about an hour ago.
I wish you could read this I wish you could send me a message on myspace and tell me that wasn't you in that car, I wish I had my friends around.
I wish I was home now more then ever. I need my friends right now and there no were to be seen.

i'll be brave for you patt.
i miss you so much .
tonight is going to be a long night.
i'll pray for you son.
just like the day we prayed for the ramones.
just like the day you crashed colins moms car and I thought you had died I was so glad to see that you were ok and the way colin defended you.
just like when you would sing to me and light my ciggerat and talk to me at 11 am on a monday when there was nothing to do
just like throwing shit at the taco bell lady and hanging out none stop
you went through to much shit to die like this.
I love you and I won't ever forget you.

no one ever reads this any ways.

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 05:08:40 GMT

I'm confused about were i belong.
I don't even remember were it is i do belong.
people say you are from were you feel best but I feel best in both places just diffrently.
I don't know what I want anymore I keep day dreaming about my futures here and there.
Yet I can't figure out which one I really want.
Because there just so diffrent, For once I've been treated fairly by a boy.
The kind who no matter what pushes me forward, I drive him inasane because were just two diffrent.
I just can't imagine a day with out talking to him. It's almost been a year since we started "seeing each other".
..I'm inlove I cried over him because I fucked up Colin was the only one around to help and see me cry.
I don't know ..I don't understand.

I just need to go some ware so much diffrent from here or there I just feel so..out of place every ware that it hurts sometimes.
I've been a mean person by....trying to act like I don't know what is in store for me when I return to Land o Lakes, but I could be so wrong.
I just want to see my friends.
My parents and smell ...that house like comforting smell that only you're house can give.
I don't think anyone will read this because no one cares.
This is were i start to think more throughly about were I belong because I'm ignored every ware.
Well not by a few people but those few people make all the diffrence in the world.

I swear I'm on air and no one in the world understands how horrible I feel when I talk to my friends and my parents and they tell me how much they miss me but I just don't belive it, I've lost self confidence .
I just want to stay home and cry it feels as though I have no one to turn too.
I don't even have someone to tell my secrets too.
Someone I can be a girl with.

I have someone speaciel but what is that of use if I can't do the things I did before, yet it's helping me but my past just dosen't go away it haunts me night and day.

I don't remeber what it's like to wake up oblivouse and disorientated.
sometimes i'd like to remember what it was like ...

My grades are droping
and so is my GPA.

some how I think it is because I just no longer care ware life takes me.

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 02:54:28 GMT

i'm feel like i'm on air...that theres nothing worth anything anymore

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 04:48:27 GMT

i just want to get the fuck out of here.

Fri, 08 Sep 2006 03:53:26 GMT

privite school: " Los Cedros is an extreamly orthodox academay you were explaind how the school functions blah blah it all ended in we do not allow the unorthodox"

my response

Andrea: " yea well fuck you"
Like any good american.

this led me to well nothing really i got yelled at today.
BECAUSE, i did a project about a feminest .fucking crazy old basterd he's like 100 years old what the fuck does he know about women??well actually rethinking it maybe allot but still whats wrong with a feminest woman? I did the project on a woman who has influenced my life she juse happend to be a feminest fuck him,fuck school, fuck everything
the history teacher is basicly history himself in person.

there for i have an F with on a fucking project i spent a saterday afternoon on.

but then again he said it was well elaborated with wounderful creativity so yea maybe i'll get like a b or a c whatever the class is won anyway.

im feeling sort of lonely in the sense of I miss home, i actually miss land o lakes.
blah...

i have a phisics project due monday and a book analasis.

awesome as if my weekend could be more awesome then sitting in the library.

any way chem mid term tommrow grose.

I just realized I'm going to be a SENIOR in january.
haha ..

ok..

Sun, 03 Sep 2006 18:20:43 GMT

So I got an e-mail today from Cristian dating. haha that was cool

awesome

PUCCA!(expensive fucking cake)

Boy dorms are so much cooler hehehe

spent the night there!

and had chocholate pancakes :)

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 20:47:06 GMT

school fucking sucks, well just the whole math part.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :)

FUCKING DO IT

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 05:21:29 GMT

[Thursday
August 24th, 2006
12:35am]

forget_me_later
Let's just see how well you really know me.

(5 Points)My name:

(5 points)Who am I in love with:

(5 Points)Where did we meet:

(4 points)Take a stab at my middle name:

(3 Points)How long have you known me:

(4 Point)When is the last time that we saw each other:

(2 Points)Do I smoke (weed or cigs):

(3 Points)Do I drink:

(4 Point)Do I have any siblings:

(3 Points)How many?^

(3 Points)What's one of my favorite things to do:

(1 Point)Am I funny:

(3 Points)What's my favorite type of music:

(4 Points)Am I shy or outgoing:

(3 Points)Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

(2 Points)Do I have any special talents:

(3 points)What is a memory we have once had:

(3 Points)Have you ever hugged me:

(4 Points)Do you miss me:

(4 Points)Do you think I miss you:

(1 points)Have we kissed:

(2 Points)Have you ever had a crush on me:

(4 points)If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

(5 Points)Who do I like right now:

(3 points)What is my worst habit:

(2)If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what would u bring?

100-lover
85-75 Best Friend
68-74 Great Friend
38-67 Friend
18-37 You should hang out with me more!
0-17 Either ur a crappy friend, or your a new friend!

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 02:35:13 GMT

School is driving me insane. I'm faling chemestry, Trigonometrty, Spanish Literature thanks :)

I've decided that I want to marry this kid. Colin I miss him way to much! ohh beer buddy

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 02:35:58 GMT

....oh boy...si quiero tenerte te tendre, ni cuenta de tadaras

baby powder who?? that's right.

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 02:15:48 GMT

ok finaly My tattoo's mind the 2nd one it needs to be fixed but you get the idea

I really want one of these..well a few beers in general would be nice.

Fucking educacion I was high while taking our mandatory drug test, well so was everyone else literly

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 00:30:29 GMT

300 paged book for tuesday wtf?? does this bitch think we sit around and do nothing WHY DOESN'T SHE DIE GOD DAMMIT

she was like my mom's literature teacher too. she sucked then and so sucks now.

GED....sounds nice.